In a certain Birmingham City Centre Gym with a red company colour that shall not be named, I, the fastest longest swimmer at the gym, am constantly interrupted by guys with egos that fills the gap where their brain should be. They wait until I get to the edge, just before I tumble turn, before they are off, breast stroking their little hearts out – for one length. Others, wildly thrash about either in front of me or in the lane next to me.

You all know who you are, so if you feel like you need to prove yourself, at least use me to do that when you’re fast and fit enough! God!

Delerium, by Cirque du Soleil, is coming to town, so if you’re not doing anything from 10 to 12 October, go to the NIA. One of the US’ top five “Grossing” concerts promises to bring the greatest magical mix of audience interaction, magic, acrobatics, theatre and international music.

There’s also 540 feet of prjection surfaces – the equivalent of four IMAX screens – setting the stage for a massive multimedia show, so performers will pretty much be materialising and vapourising just about anywhere.

Plus, it’s the NIA, so it’s well worth a visit. Any takers?

The language, on the other hand, is something no foreigner can possibly prepare for. It’s a “dialect”, but to you, it’s a completely different language.

But to have a team of classical indian dancers, with capoeira dancers and contemporary/urban dancers using the fountain at Victoria Square as their canvas, on a sunny friday, is surreal. How wierd it must be to have so many cultures cramped into one city?

I have to say, it was this live stage performance that represents Birmingham in a nutshell. It was such a beautiful performance, and the music was incredible. I wonder where they were from?

It’s a twisted conception of how civilisation could turn out if (or when) this technology takes over. A civilisation that starts off as Utopia, but under a microscope is actually a dystopia. A giant Hotel California, which falls under the natural laws. Normally that’s a bad thing, but you can already see this happing in Birmingham. It’s like everyone falls out fo the world of the living dead every time the sun shines!

Sitting at the Green Room (Opposite the Hippodrome) you will see a range of people going past, doing different things. International tourists, exploring the city, national tourists, looking for a place to enjoy the sun. It’s a perfect place to go to for inspiration, and each person going past tells a story. The place itself is laid back and relaxed, probably something to do with the mellow yellow walls.

If you’re meeting someone who’s not from around here, it’s a perfect base to start. In front of the green room you have culture, to the left you have the village (the pub on the corner is a great place to go no matter what your sexuality, it’s laid back too), to the right you have the Maharajah, voted the best indian restaurant – by Indians! Behind you have the Arcadian, which needs no introduction, and behind that you have the Bull Ring! It’s a very underestimated place.

It was the rainy season (we don’t have winters and summers anymore). I was waiting on the bench while my friend Dina lit up (a cigarette, not herself). The cold went through me, and my coat didn’t help. It was dark and gloomy, and everywhere I looked, the faces of people just wanting to go home, not wanting to be bothered by the predators lurking around on the sides of New Street.

The Big Issue guy, who was given a hot beverage, threw it towards the bin after he finished. It didn’t quite land in the bin, but before it hit the ground, in came the hero. It was all in his eyes, headstrong but compassionate (he was also hot). In an instant he spotted the litter, picked it up before it touched the ground, put it in the bin and carried on.

He expected no recognition, he received no thanks and he confronted nobody. He carried on. I was completely inspired. I was completely taken aback and couldn’t believe what I saw. There really are good people in the world. Can more people learn to be like that man?

But most of all let it be known that it was first invented in Bilston, the BLACK COUNTRY, which I SUPPOSE comes under Birmingham. How great are we brummies?

Birmingham lives on after its glorious past, as being at the heart of car engine production, even though some of them are still moving to China. The greatest Grand Prix mechanics are here in Birmingham. It’s true. A random guy at a B&B in the lake District told me.

Please start using the canals! It’s essential to their survival, and the greater the demand the greater the possibilities…

But isn’t this what Brummies voted for all those years ago?

While they’re all wondering where to hang up the HP Sign, I just can’t help but wonder where all that culture is gone. I was wandering in WHSmith, and ended up in the vintage section. There was a book with loads of pictures of Birmingham before the second world war. It was actually quite beautiful. It still is. It was only then that the next time I walked along the tree lined New Street, instead of looking ahead at what was worse than Gucci for sale at a flea market, I looked up at the buildings. It’s all still there. Actually it all still reminds me of New Orleans.

The next time you’re in the city centre, look up at the buildings. Sure enough a lot of the old buildings were knocked down, but the old (and very subtle) layers of the city are still there, so take time out to remember the efforts that created our home.

Well Gareth, I’m honored to be part of something that is so big, and still has potential. I’ve travelled to many places on the earth, wherever the FCO tells me not to go I love it more. I’ve lived in DUDLEY, where I grew up, but found the greatness that is birmingham starting 2003. I’ve moved to Birmingham, started off living in the City centre, which was great, but missed the colour green so I now live in Quinton.

Throughout my brummie life I’ve experienced all the extremes and everything in between, so, watch this space!

Well, well, well, Birmingham VS Manchester indeed. Gaz, you are obviously a pure Brummie! How could you pick on my home town of all towns for Birmingham to swallow up? But it’s so beautiful in Dudley too. Sure, it’s a strange way to get to it, sure enough even if you get a train you have to bus it anyway, and maybe it doesn’t even have a metro system….but it has a castle! And its own accent slash language!

Anyway sob stories aside, the rumours about Birmingham being joined to Manchester in the next 20 years are true. Birmingham City Council can confirm that the population is rapidly growing and is set to continue for a while yet. The Government, in order to try and bring business up north, wants Birmingham Joined to Manchester, including everything in between, to create a great Megalopolis. Wow. Think of what they will call it. New London? What will happen to the football teams!? Did anybody stop to consider this!???

If you think I’m joking, check the Birmingham city council’s website! They need people to redesign the infrastructure and everything…